When I reflect on the way I love I realize I am never loving in ideal conditions. And this condition feels like being stuck within sludge, and at many times in my life I have considered the sludge to be something I should be afraid of. It’s messy and it’s wet and it’s uncomfortable. I have seen others love within the sludge and it is not something I would want for myself. Yet here we are, loving within the sludge. I am cold, wet and covered in mud but I am not alone. I get a glimpse of myself and realize how truly messy I am standing in front of you. But there you are standing in front of me looking practically identical. The sludge unites us, we are together in the sludge and when I am in this mess with you, loving within the sludge does not feel like something to be afraid of. I can live with it. But then I realize how messy and wet and uncomfortable it really is and neither of us deserve to be in a situation where both of us are affected this much by the sludge.